Out on the Ledge Again

Frankly, I think I probably just belong out here on the ledge permanently. My life certainly isn't worth coming back in for.

My family is trying to micro-manage me. They are pressing me hard to invest what very little money I have with some shady man that they found. J didn't trust him, and I don't either. I told them that I can't tie up this tiny bit of money for years and years. What if I had to have surgery or a tree fell on my roof? It would ruin me. I have no freaking money. It takes all I have just to live.

And then Mom is pressing me hard to join up with her Red Hat Society. Please God, will you tell everyone that I am NOT 50 years old? I'm not even close to 50 years old. I really just want to spend time with people my own age. I am not ready to be a senior citizen. Please, please, please. I swear. I just want to be able to decide what I want to do with my life.

J's family is pressing me hard too. I don't have any idea what they really want. I guess it's mainly just to boss me around.

Mr. Charming is all over the place. Ok, get this. Now he thinks maybe he might just want to spend his entire life alone. Well, good. Go ahead. Ain't nobody stopping you. Have at it brother. I'm done. I think he might actually be crazy like his ex-wife says. I sure as heck don't need one more lunatic in my life. I got two entire families full of those.

I'm so tired. I just want to wake up and have my old life back. I just want to wake up and have this freaking nightmare be over. Sometimes I just feel like I can't go on another day. Sometimes I just wish lightning would strike me or a bus would mow me down. At this point, I really don't care what. Just let it be over.

The pain is just too much to bear sometimes, and today is one of those days.

No music tonight. I just don't feel up to it. Sorry.