Man Problems

Hello Saturday Night Losers. Tonight, I AM Queen of the Saturday Night Loser's Club.

(You have to read the post below "More than a little sidetracked" first for this one to make any sense.)

Mr. Charming just called. (Yeah, it shocked me too.) He says he is surprised I answered the phone. I am too frankly.

His last e-mail after our 3-hour phone call was not so good. Basically, he is saying that on the phone I don't sound like my e-mails. He says my e-mails were WOW, but he didn't get that same feeling on the phone. He says it was like talking to family.

OUCH. That hurts a little bit. At least he didn't say it was like talking to his sister. I would have thrown up all over the phone if had said that. I tried to explain to him that I was very, very nervous on the phone, but I'm not sure he believes me.

I think he has actually fallen for my writing and not for me. Seems like a Cyrano de Bergerac kind of thing going on.

Does this freak you out a little? It kind of freaks me out. Maybe he is psycho?

How I am supposed to compete with my own writing? Is my writing so good that it actually causes some random guy to fall in love with it? Dang, I need to get started on a book then cause I could make a fortune. I mean I'm pretty flattered about the writing in a weird way, I guess.

He wants to come see me at Thanksgiving. It's a VERY long drive to come see me at Thanksgiving. Does that mean he's still interested? When he drives up will he want to talk to me or just want me to hand him a letter to read?

And please, don't freak out. He's not coming to spend the night or even to my house. We're just talking dinner date at a restaurant. I'll meet him there, and maybe have some friends planted in the restaurant to spy on him. I could do that. He doesn't know who I know and don't know.

And then there's the whole issue of J's family. They come to our house for Thanksgiving every year. I was pretty sure that they would not come this year since we can barely stand to be in the same room together, but who knows with those people? I can't have them here and then say "oh by the way, I'm leaving to go on a date." Awkward.

I don't know. Maybe I'm starting to feel like it's not worth all the trouble. He does live a long way from me. It would take a butt-load of trust and a whole lot of effort to stay connected.

Damn it! This would all be a moot point if J hadn't up and died. I swear I am still so angry at him. It's been 22 years since I've even thought about a date with another man that wasn't J (ok, except for a few Trent Reznor fantasies). It's all changed. The internet wasn't even around when we were dating.

Maybe I'm just not up for the whole dating thing after all?

Please, people of the internet, if you like my writing, don't call me. You don't have to date me for it. It's all out here for God and everybody. Just read and enjoy it for what it is.

PS. I went and worked out today. Sort of a revenge workout. You know "you'll be sorry one of these days when I walk by and leave you breathless" kinds of workouts. It felt pretty good. And now I'm off to listen to Trent Reznor sing songs about dirty sex to me. How'd you like them words, Mr. Charming? (and yes, I'm well aware that these songs are probably not about dirty sex, but let me have my little fantasy, ok?)

Oh wait. Here you can have the song right now (WARNING: F-bomb alert if you're sensitive to that):



And here's the one I crank up in the Car of Rage: