Let's Talk about Grief

Eventually, I have to get back around to the underlying topic of this blog - death and grief. That's why it was started in the first place. My shrink thought it would be good for me to journal and work out some of my frustrations and grief. I just couldn't get into the whole writing on paper thing. I like paper too much. I don't like to waste it. Anyway, I can type faster than I can write so here I am.

Tonight I went to a grief support group. I've been waiting like 2 months for this thing to start up. It's a program called "Grief Share". Frankly, it's pretty good. You have a workbook (and I am all about workbooks). They show you a video of regular people talking about grief and how they deal with it. And there's experts in psychology and stuff to help you navigate through it all. Then you have a discussion afterwards about the video or about whatever is making you crazy at the moment.

Mostly I went because I was starting to feel a little like the Lone Ranger when Tonto went into town without him - alone. Grief messes with your head. You start to wonder if you are the only person on the planet who feels like this. And really, I went to see if there were people my own age who were grieving too (and there were).

The weird thing is that once I got there, the age thing didn't matter anymore. We were all going through the same thing - at different stages, but basically the same thing. Finally, I found my people. Thank God. I don't wish this on anyone, but it's just such a relief to know that I have real people now who know how this feels and who understand without even having to explain it. Thank God for my people!!

And then today I went to see my own personal shrink. We had a long talk about being happy and not feeling guilty about it. I asked her if I was insane to have Mr. Charming around. It's only been almost 5 months. She was all for it! She said nobody has any right to judge you. You have every right to be happy. You're rebuilding your life. You have to try out new things. You have to try on new relationships. Otherwise, you'll just stay in your house and write a blog that nobody reads for the next 50 years and be miserable. Why not be happy if the opportunity presents itself?

That settles it. My shrink stays on the payroll for as long as she will have me. And Mr. Charming and I will forge ahead with whatever relationship we choose to make, and if people don't like it, they can look the other way. I really like him. He makes me happy. Why shouldn't we be happy together if we can? We've had a couple of glitches - mostly due to e-mail and the lack of clarity you get with an e-mail. But what relationship is perfect, right? Even the spectacular J was not without faults and could drive me up the wall from time to time, but I never stopped loving him. So Mr. Charming is here to stay at least for now. He's become a permanent fixture in my world. It's time to break the news to my family (who will pass a brick the size of Chicago when they hear about it - but they can look the other way if they don't like it.) If you hear this blood-curdling scream across the land, that would be the sound of my Mama finding out about my Mr. Charming. Heaven help him. He may decide to bail once he meets the family. They are a whole 'nother story that I might tell one day.

So here's to finding your place and your people in this world and somebody really special to make you happy.

Love,
L