I caved. You had to know I would.

I have no willpower whatsoever. Absolutely none. I am truly pathetic.

So yesterday, I sent Mr. Charming the email that basically said forget you and the horse you rode in on. I figure that I will never hear from him again.

But... (there's ALWAYS a but, right?)

He called tonight. He never saw the email (at least that's what he says and it seemed to be the truth). So I tell him what I said, and he says "you keep showing me the door, and I keep not going. I'm not going. I like you too much."

Turns out the remark about my writing was not directed toward me at all. But that he suddenly didn't know what he wanted when he had me on the phone. He was probably more afraid than me. I don't know if this is true or not, but I have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I guess there is a huge difference in having your spouse leave and divorce you than having your spouse die. I have no way to fix my relationship with J. He's gone forever. No amount of wishing will bring him back. So I guess I accept it easier in a way. But for Mr. C, his ex-wife is out there, and there's always the possibility that they could be back together. I completely understand that and how he would still wish for that. If J was dropped off on my front porch tomorrow, I would want nothing else but to be with him for forever.

So where it stands now is that we are friends and just seeing where things go. I can do that. I guess I have to try. I would always kick myself and wonder what might have been if I don't. I don't want to have to live with more regrets. I already have plenty of those to last a lifetime. I know I'm probably crazy right?

Tonight's song is directed at me. *rolling eyes*