Cleaning House and Feeling Better

I've been cleaning house today - both the actual house and my internal house.

This question was posed to me today: How is your relationship with yourself?

I thought about it for a long time today. I don't think I like myself very much at the moment - especially me over the past 3 days. So I decided it was time to purge some crap.

I'm done with some self-doubts, several bad behaviors and at least 4 people. Sometimes you have no choice but to deal with toxic people. You just can't get rid of them. But right now the window of opportunity is open for me, and I'm pushing my toxic people out of it. Happy landings some place else. Go make someone else's life miserable. I've had enough.

I fear I'm going to have a hard time keeping them out though. It may take awhile. But I've made it through worse. I can handle this too.

I'm not too happy with my foul language lately. I had straightened that up for a long time, and then I fell right back into it again. So I'm cleaning my mouth up.

And there's been some "you-should-know-better-stupid-girl" bad behaviors. Those gotta go for sure and will be the most difficult to fix. All I can do is try, right?

I had another random thing happen today (as always). There must be something about me that just invites weirdness to happen almost daily. I was walking into a store today and passed a man sitting on a bench on the sidewalk. I smiled at him, and he smiled back. Then he says "you got an extra cigarette honey?"

I was confused. Did I have cigarettes showing on me somewhere so that he thought I should have an extra? Do I look like I smoke? (I don't and never have for the record.)

So I say "I don't smoke." Then he says "ok honey." And I walk away only to hear him yell after me "Don't start honey!" I burst out laughing and yelled back "Don't worry, I won't honey!"

Random, but it made me laugh. He was still there when I left the store, so I went way around to avoid him. Since we had this "honey" relationship going, I was afraid what he might ask next.

Actually, I have to confess that I have another new friend. A non-smoker named C. He (yes, he's a he) is very sweet and very charming. He's definitely a unique character and has my attention at the moment. I know it's way too early in the grief to be thinking about a new man, but...
(like you couldn't see that but coming) he is pretty great. He gave me his e-mail address, and I just now got an e-mail from him. Holy smokes, he e-mailed first. How great is that? It's just about as great as a guy calling you the day after your first date. I think my little black heart just started beating again. At any rate, it's nice to have some attention about now. It doesn't hurt to have friends, right?

I'll be careful. I certainly don't need for the last remaining bits of my heart to be broken too. But I have to say that it does help the ol' self-esteem more than a little bit. After 22 years of being unavailable, you have to wonder if you're even interesting any more (and wonder about some other things too lol).

I think that tonight's song will be something from Keane. I don't think I've posted them yet. I love them even if the song is sort of a U2 clone (sounds a lot like Zoo Station to me - see what you think). I still like it anyway. They were really great on the Live Earth concert last year. And I'm crazy for the video. I wanna ride on that little track. lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QypdrBPE4jM

The embedding was disabled, so you have to use the link to see the video. But I couldn't get the link to be active, so you have to go to You Tube and copy/paste it into their search box.

Later gaters.