I'm doing all right, I think.

It's Thursday night, and here I sit. I should be freaking out. But guess what?

I'm NOT!!

Yay me. LOL. No Mr. C didn't call tonight as usual. He did text me from an airport during his layover on Tuesday night. How nice. Whatever. I'm starting to work him out of my head finally.

Of course about the time that I get that accomplished, he'll call everyday.

So, I'm happy because I got my big box of art supplies for my class yesterday. I wish I could express just how much I love markers, pens, pencils, sketchpads, ect... J would be thrilled for me. He knows how much I love that kind of stuff.

I miss my sweetie so much. I had a terrible dream about him last night. I dreamed that he hadn't died, but he had just moved out and left me. I wanted to call him and beg him to come back home. I tried and tried to get to the phone, but I couldn't get to it. When I finally did, I dialed and dialed, but I couldn't get the call to go through. I was standing there holding my cell phone crying my eyes out. Then I woke up.

All I really want in the whole world is J back. I would trade everything I have and all the days of my own life to just have 5 minutes with him again. I never got to say goodbye. I never got to tell him one last time that I loved him. I never got to thank him for all the things he did for me - all the times he took care of me, held my hand when I was scared and my hair when I was sick, killed creepy crawlies for me, made me laugh so hard that I cried, drove me across the country, taught me how to love, let me take in every stray animal that came our way, and a gazillion other things. I wish he knew that.

It hurts so much I can't breathe.