I actually did fall off the earth...

I did for at least a little while. I was sick for a week or so with some kind of horrible crud combined with a raging sinus infection and bilateral ear infections (bilateral is courtesy of my fancy grad school education in Audiology - I'm not kidding). I had laryngitis for well over a week too. Took two trips to the doctor and 4 prescriptions to chase it all off. Good times. Good times.

Ah, well, it's been a busy time even though I was on the DL for awhile. Let's see if I can remember it all.

One day while I was home sick, UPS drove up in my driveway and brought me a big box. Couldn't imagine what it was or where it was coming from. When I opened it, it was a dozen beautiful red roses, a red glass vase and a small heart-shaped box of candy. I know what you're thinking, but they weren't from Mr. Charming. No, these were from Facebook Boyfriend. (He's not actually my boyfriend. It's just the name my friends gave him - actually they called him my Facebook Stalker, but I don't feel right about calling him a stalker after he sent flowers and all. I know. That's sort of the definition of a stalker, but still.) He's called several times and e-mailed and texted. This isn't making him sound less of a stalker is it? But anyway, he's very nice, but seriously, the man's life came straight out of "As the World Turns". He's got more baggage than the airport. But it was nice to get flowers for Valentine's day and on a day when I was so sick. We are still just chit-chatting on the phone and on Facebook. Nothing serious.

I actually did hear from Mr. Charming (after a MONTH of nothing at all). He texted me Tuesday morning out of the blue. I sent him one back that said "I think you have the wrong number." A couple of hours later, he called me while I was at work. He's all nice and friendly like everything is fine. (If you remember, the last time I spoke to him, he was in the car with his ex-girlfriend.) He asked me if I was open to talking to him later that night. Said he would call and he did, but I missed it. Haven't heard anything since. My guess is that his attempt to re-unite with ex-girlfriend flopped which is why he called me. Whatever. Next!

Valentine's Day was horrible. I missed J all day long. I tried and tried not to think about it, but I finally just stopped trying and gave into the grief. I cried until I made myself sicker and was really pitiful. I miss him so badly. I still haven't been to the cemetery. I'm afraid to go, but I know I have to at some point. I still have to get a tombstone.

Will this ever get any better or any easier? Am I just going to be sad for the rest of my life? Am I always just going to mark every occasion as another one without my J?

Life sucks. It really really does.

I haven't posted any music for awhile. I guess I'll post this and make whoever happens to read this really sad too. Misery loves company, you know.

I'm disappointed to not find the actual video for this song. At the end, it shows a woman laying red flowers on a grave.